The Inconspicuous Benefits of Process Over Outcome

As a student completing my undergraduate degree, I relentlessly sought new ways to improve my test preparation methods and research skills for papers. Imprudently, it was always about the outcome; I continually asked myself, ‘Did it yield the grade or product I was hoping for?’ If it didn't, I instantly returned to the drawing board, obsessing about trying something new, hoping it would yield a better product/outcome.

I’m a massive fan of the metaphorical ‘destination,’ paying very little attention to the path I took to get there. Keeping with the theme of transportation, most of this cognition was on autopilot; contributing to this project, Artful (Un)Belonging, has opened my mind to the allure of appreciating the process of things. Thanks to my involvement with this project, I now know that, sometimes, you can learn a lot if you pay attention to the little things along the way . . . . especially when it comes to exploring the complexities of evaluating one’s sense of belonging or (un)belonging.

My first task with this project was to methodically catalogue archival images from Dr. Veronica Austen’s research trip surrounding Roy Kiyooka, coding them for themes related to expressing identity and experiences of (un)belonging. Sweet! Archival research is a process-orientated research style with an apparent pre-defined goal, so this was right up my alley. I could approach this work with a clear goal in mind. Or so I thought.

To be transparent, I really didn’t know much about Kiyooka beforehand. I learned a lot from the plethora of material Prof. Austen has written about him; as I perused through each image from the archive, I began to feel very close to him. Each file was like a piece to a highly complex mosaic of Kiyooka’s life. I was entranced because conducting research in this manner – something I had never done before – created a persistent fascination resulting from intimately analyzing Roy Kiyooka’s life through artifacts.

Many artifacts found within these archives were beautiful art pieces of all kinds: mesmerizing paintings, profound poems, thoughtful letters, and more. Roy’s passion –  yes, I now feel I can call him Roy – for challenging and rejecting different modalities is well documented, which gave lots of artistic material to review and interpret. Examining these artistic pieces and extracting moments of (un)belonging was a thrilling exercise. My respect is unmatched; he’s creatively brilliant and equally complex.  

But what really bettered my understanding – and appreciation – of the complexity of (un)belonging in Roy’s life was not his published materials but the other, more mundane materials found within the archive, such as tax forms, professional vocational letters, or real estate documents. Something as simple as Roy’s tax returns brought me infinitely ‘closer’ to him; it made this research process feel more real. Because these are the types of things everyone deals with in their lives, I began to deeply reflect on the relationship between these types of files and the topic of (un)belonging.

For example, divorce paperwork elicits a sense of (un)belonging on multiple levels. There is a potent sense of belonging in a relationship with a partner, or even in extended relationships with friends and family. The dissolution of a relationship is deeply connected to (un)belonging, which is on full and unmistakable display through the paperwork associated with such proceedings.

The paperwork of applications was also plentiful in the archives; Roy was in frequent contact with both international and domestic arts councils and other organizations about funding for his work. Some of these files were the epitome of tedious form-filling that I’m sure all of us have experienced at one point in time. Having an application approved and receiving funding demonstrates belonging; being accepted by a governing body related to one’s field of work can feel emotionally validating, prompting feelings of belonging. When a grant application is denied, however, one feels deeply outcasted. Symbolically, while these documents may not be connected to belonging at the surface, their significance greatly influence one’s feelings of (un)belonging.

I continue to think a lot about how the simplicity  of austere materials allows for more complex moments of reflection of (un)belonging. This advantage of archival research is further noted by psychology scholar Constance Jones (2010): “individuals’ inner experienced lives and outward life choices may be profound; archival data may be uniquely suited to illustrate such impacts” (p. 1011).

Investigating the sense of belonging through the material that was separate from Roy’s artistic pieces was ironically more of a creative endeavour. It forced me to think harder and deeper about Roy’s life and the implications it can have on our understanding of other’s sense of belonging.  You can find really interesting things in the unadorned, small facets of one’s life, both in the past and present. Furthermore, as Carolyn Steedman (2001) writes “The archive is a record of the past at the same time as it points to the future” (p. 7). Here, in the archive, is where I got a far better understanding of Roy’s sense of belonging. I now appreciate that we are constantly navigating the feeling belonging or (un)belonging; it is everywhere, in every part of one’s life, if you look hard enough.

References

Jones, Constance. “Archival Data: Advantages and Disadvantages for research in Psychology.” Social and Personality Psychology Compass, vol. 4, no. 11, 2010, pp. 1008–17. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2010.00317.x.

Steedman, Carolyn Kay. Dust: The Archive and Cultural History. 2001.